You're welcome for my weird sex.

Most of the lessons that we were taught in school will and probably have been thrown out the window. You'll probably never need to take these lessons to your everyday life. Personally, I've never been in a situation where I knew I was 50metres from a building, seeing my friend on the roof and going, 'hmmm, I know the building is 250metres tall, I'm so glad I know the formula to calculate exactly how far my friend is from me.' Sin-over-hypo-the-wha? I always go to the people who know. They've been in some sorta spot or other that has imparted them with the knowledge or information I need and I fully intend on taking it from them.

I am obviously not the first person to think up this insidious tactic. Countless have come before me and countless more will come after. One should always be on a quest for information and knowledge, I respect this greatly, I commend you for it.

'How do you sleep with guys, ah?'

A fair question. It doesn't ruffle any feathers or break any bones, if asked out of pure curiosity. It was, after all, in the pursuit of knowledge. When a complete and total virgin female begins this topic with me over lunch though, the best answer I could muster up was: '...uhhh....'

'Just tell me, la...'

This was it, I'd have to explain the mechanics of gay sex to a naive girl, whom I regarded much like a sister. I decided to strip it down and give her the bare basic of it: 'oh, just put it back there.' I hope I managed a cool, straight answer that got to the core of it and didn't leave room for any more questioning. I was wrong. So wrong. 'Put what, back where?' she asked. Great. I'd have to mention actual anatomy, it'd be so much easier to just hand her some gay porn and just let her find out on her own but I commend her pursuit of knowledge, as lascivious as it may be. I fleshed out the details and by the end of it, I was put in an even more awkward position of being the audience of squeals and further investigation of how it felt, ever had it like that, ever give it like this, which was better?

I think if my biological sister ever asks me, my body would suffocate itself.