You're welcome for my weird sex.

Most of the lessons that we were taught in school will and probably have been thrown out the window. You'll probably never need to take these lessons to your everyday life. Personally, I've never been in a situation where I knew I was 50metres from a building, seeing my friend on the roof and going, 'hmmm, I know the building is 250metres tall, I'm so glad I know the formula to calculate exactly how far my friend is from me.' Sin-over-hypo-the-wha? I always go to the people who know. They've been in some sorta spot or other that has imparted them with the knowledge or information I need and I fully intend on taking it from them.

I am obviously not the first person to think up this insidious tactic. Countless have come before me and countless more will come after. One should always be on a quest for information and knowledge, I respect this greatly, I commend you for it.

'How do you sleep with guys, ah?'

A fair question. It doesn't ruffle any feathers or break any bones, if asked out of pure curiosity. It was, after all, in the pursuit of knowledge. When a complete and total virgin female begins this topic with me over lunch though, the best answer I could muster up was: '...uhhh....'

'Just tell me, la...'

This was it, I'd have to explain the mechanics of gay sex to a naive girl, whom I regarded much like a sister. I decided to strip it down and give her the bare basic of it: 'oh, just put it back there.' I hope I managed a cool, straight answer that got to the core of it and didn't leave room for any more questioning. I was wrong. So wrong. 'Put what, back where?' she asked. Great. I'd have to mention actual anatomy, it'd be so much easier to just hand her some gay porn and just let her find out on her own but I commend her pursuit of knowledge, as lascivious as it may be. I fleshed out the details and by the end of it, I was put in an even more awkward position of being the audience of squeals and further investigation of how it felt, ever had it like that, ever give it like this, which was better?

I think if my biological sister ever asks me, my body would suffocate itself.

I'm so lost by you.

It's too bad it had to come to this. I thought... different. That's all. I just thought different.

Why did you do what you did? Come now, let's not beat about the bush. It's too late for us, I guess. I thought you'd be different, that you would change my world, change the world.

Keep the mind sharp, so now I must hunt. You are the predator no more. It's time for you to curiously look over your shoulder and, in a sudden wave of surprise, mutter to yourself: "Oh,shit."

Four to the floor. I'm right behind you.

I got your back, you got mine. No doubt, my lovelies. To the floor, let us dance.

We'll dance with our friends.


We'll dance with one another.



















We'll dance with the boys.


We'll dance till tomorrow never comes.

The world is standing still.

This is it. The world is right. No? You don't feel it?

Sit down, close your eyes, deep breath? Still no? You need to look for it, it won't come to you. A very common phrase that you hear is 'life is only as complicated as you make it.' In most cases this is a lie. It's complicated. It's tough. Take the time. If only for a day and you'll see it, the world is standing still. You'll see all the details, the dust in the air, the light throwing its subtle glow from the corner, the sleeping dogs, the women in your bed, the men in your life. You'll see it all. The world is standing still and it's waiting for your move.

Make it a good move. Fly to Spain. Paint your nails. Run to your lover. Quit your job. Read your magazines. Talk the pillowtalk. The world will react to you.

This is your inspiration. Go. The world is waiting for you.

Reverse Kryptonite

So how do you know when too much is too much? I never do. It's a sick, sick cycle. When I come along and I see the sights and hear the sounds, I can never get enough. Then it's too late. *Bleargh*

Just like when I'm at a buffet; I'll scout out whatever looks most interesting, try it and gun for that the whole night through. I won't bother sampling other dishes that might taste even more scrumptious.

Well now, I'm all aboard for adventure. I feel young again. I have a blanket tied around my neck, jumping around making 'whoosh!' noises like I'm about to save some city from imminent peril. 'What's this? A maiden tied to the tracks? No matter, Massacre is here.' You should join me. Pick a blanket, your own little colored cape, they come in an assortment of shades and tints. We'll run around and rescue the cookies from their prisons and guarantee TV shows get their ratings.

This is the secret, I tell you. The little colored blankets, without them, we're powerless!

So keep it on and jump around (don't forget to say 'whoosh!') and you'll always be a superhero.


Calvin as S.T.U.P.E.N.D.O.U.S Man - Created by Bill Watterson

I'm coming home. A different home.

Times have changed. I need to change. Adapt. Evolve. This is happenning, right now, there's no stopping it. So, like it is hurtling toward me, I shall throw myself into it. I just hope I don't come out too broken and burnt to carry on.

I think I'll be fine, though. I have you, don't I? All of you or at least some of you. So let's do this together. Let's stop the meteors and undo the plans of the universe for us. We've been beaten before yet here we stand proud and united. There is nothing the galaxy or the gods can throw at us that we haven't weathered before. Matters of the heart, the home, the past, the present, the future.

You know this; individually we are strong, together we are unstoppable. We are capable of so many great things that the future fears us.

I know what you're going to say to me. "It's too soon." No. It's not. It's never too soon for this because we'll only realise all we've missed when it's too late.

Be it of money, sex, love, drugs, disco, alcohol, friends and peers. Of the flowers, the candy, the photographs, the good times, the bad, the memories, the bands and the songs. Or even of words, eyes, mouths, fingers, laughs or tears. We can do this.

So come with me. Get in the yellow car.